Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Death & Taxes . . . .

Patrick Swayze passed away over two weeks ago now, but I felt compelled to write about him today (well sort of) . . . .

Shortly after he died Craig posted (what Craig thought at least) a funny, and relatively innocent post as a tribute to Mr. Swayze - "I guess we can put baby in a corner now, eh?" Kris warned him it could cause trouble, but Craig said "come on, what problem could it cause?"

Craig received a lot of responses. Some questioned the timing, most thought it was funny. Many did what Facebook allows you to do, and signalled that they "liked" the post. This is where the problem came in. One of Craig's friends (a lovely girl, who Craig adores) took offense to people "liking" that Patrick Swayze died!! Instead of going on I'll let you read the post (unedited):

"I usually don't respond to people's comments unless they are filled with
fun and humour, but the fact that people will say it is ok that a person died is
sick! You may have not liked him as an actor, you may have not liked any of his movies...... but the fact is...... he suffered a horrific and painful death, have you ever seen a loved one die from Cancer???? !!!!!Perhaps an educated person would read the "GOOD" this human being has done and contrubuted
to "our"world...... What have you done to help make a change for the better?!"

Kris called it, someone got upset. What does all this have to do with the blog? I thought it would fit, because it brings up the concept best said in the 2008 summer hit "The Dark Knight" - Why So Serious?

but first a couple of things. . . .

Patrick Swayze may not have an Oscar on his mantle; however, he definitely has an impressive body of work to his credit. Craig was a big M*A*S*H fan growing up and that's where he first say Swayze. Kris first remembers him in the "North and South" mini-series, and Craig remembers his family glued to every episode of that as well. During the summer of 1994, Kris' step sister and her friend came to visit during our first summer in Coaldale. The two teenagers went to the video store at least twice a week during those months, and almost every time they came home with one movie; Dirty Dancing. It's still one of Kris' favorites. It inevitably shows up on TV, and Craig will always find Kris watching it (even thought they own the DVD!) Tired of doing the teenage shlock, Swayze took some gutsy roles like the role of drag queen Vida in "To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything. Julie Newmar" and the role of the pedophile/motivational speaker in "Donnie Darko" (sorry if I spoiled that for you!!) His role in Donnie Darko is easily Craig's favorite. His premature death of such a terrible disease is tragic.

Secondly (Many of you reading this probably already know this but it bares repeating), Craig is a survivor. Back in May of 2004, Craig was noticing that he was having a hard time focusing on things on his computer at work. He believed he just needed a new prescription, and made an Optometrist appointment for later that week. It was a Thursday on Craig's lunch that he saw his regular optometrist downtown. The doctor through the use of some new equipment he was using noticed that Craig had bleeding in the back of his right eye. He asked Craig if he had been tested for high blood pressure before, and then took the number to his family doctor. He advised Craig that he would be putting him in touch with an opthamologist to look into this further, and it had to be right away.

Back to work Craig went, a little worried, but not giving it much thought. Later that afternoon his family doctor called to discuss the conversation they had with his optometrist. She asked if Craig could stop by on the way home from work and they would give him a quick check. Now Craig was starting to worry.

Craig got to his doctor and was shown into an exam room right away. His doctor came in and told him it was probably nothing, as she said he looked great (thanks doc!); but that she wanted to take his blood pressure just to make sure. She took it and turned pale. Without saying anything else, she told Craig she would get him something "boring to read" and return in 5 minutes to take it again. He wasn't to move. 5 minutes later (Craig had fallen asleep) and she took his blood pressure again. It was at that point she asked Craig if he could drive himself to "Foothills Emerg?" Thinking he had misheard her he asked her to clarify. She explained she was sending him to the emergency room, and he should call Kris to let him know.

Craig's first thought was "great, I'm going to spend my entire night waiting in the emergency room forever." No such luck. When Craig arrived, the duty nurse told him to come in immediately. She took his blood pressure and advised that it was through the roof and he as to sit in a wheel chair and not move until they found him a bed. His blood pressure was a reading of 250/154. A normal adult male should be around 120/80!! They thought he might have a stroke at any second. By the time Kris arrived Craig was in a bed, with IV's attached and a blood pressure machine taking his bp every 5 minutes. Then came the questions. "How stressed are you at work?" "What is your diet like" "How much do you drink and smoke?" "What is your family's medical history?" The best was "do you do cocaine?"

Craig spent the rest of the weekend in the Special Services unit (attached to the Tom Baker Cancer Centre) before they could get his blood pressure down to an acceptable level (150/110!) This began a summer of hell for Kris and Craig as they tried to figure out what would cause a 36 year old man's head to explode. Finally in August came the news - a Pheochromocytoma (http://www.endocrineweb.com/pheo.html). A tumor through his left adrenal gland. Craig was ecstatic! Sure it was a tumor, but at least he knew what it was and they could take it out!!

Unfortunately it wasn't that simple. His surgeon described the removal as being similar to "poking vicious dog with a stick" and that made any surgery three times more dangerous. The surgeon told Kris that it was a 50/50 chance that Craig wasn't going to make it through the surgery. Craig spent almost two months in the hospital as they tried to get his blood pressure under control enough to operate. To finish the story (as it is getting late) Craig made it through, with no ill effects (well, some weight gain that he can't shake!)

It was a terrible time, not just for Craig and Kris, but for his parents, and for the kids. It's something you never forget and it affects your life long term more than you can imagine. Kalista and Rory were 14 and 11 at the time, and were being told their dad had cancer and may not make it. That's a lot to handle at such a young age. It's something they shouldn't have had to handle.

So why the Patrick Swayze tribute, and why the long medical history? It was really to clarify that Craig isn't an insensitive bastard. It's to explain that when faced with what I believe to be the ultimate (death) is it not better to find humor and share laugh instead of a tear? We need to quit taking our lives and ourselves so damn serious.

At work a popular phrase gets bantered around quite a bit: "You can take your job seriously, without taking yourself seriously!" What it really means is do a good job, but have fun doing it. Maybe that's what we all need to hear. Do a good job in life, but make sure you have fun along the way. Cancer and many other deaths are painful and take their toll not just on their victims; but we mustn't lose sight of the big picture. No matter how terrible things might get, laughter is the best medicine. Laughter is a free gift you can give anyone. Laughter is our gift to the world.

Laugh more, hate less. Love more, and enjoy life without taking it so seriously.

Welterusten!!

Monday, September 28, 2009

It's A Guy Thing

Albert Einstein once said; “Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”

How often have you heard a guy say that "she's changed since the kids were born", or heard him complain that "the sex isn't the same, since we got married"? How about women who complain that their husband "still hangs out with his friends all the time", or "I always take a back seat to poker night, or a round of golf"? It seems so obvious that the two are connected, but why don't we see that? Einstein was a genius, but his statement is as plain as the nose on our face.

Women lose the desire for intimacy when an emotional connection is no longer there. That connection gets lost when a man makes choices ignoring his wife's feelings. Intimacy is lost, and the man is left wondering "what happened to the girl I married?" The circle continues to go round and round.

The point of all of this? Wake up people!!! The answer to your issues lies right there in front of you!! Craig worked with a girl who was very pretty and popular. Men from across the country would talk about her. If someone came from out of town, they made a point to pop in and say hi; yet somehow she was always alone. She would date, but ultimately it would end in disappointment. Her problem? The guys she would date fit her lifestyle, (athletic, urban, successful, etc.), but they just didn't care for her as much as she cared for them! She thought she was the problem!! Fact is she was right, just not in the way she thought. It wasn't that there was something wrong with her, there was something wrong with her attitude. She explained to Craig about this guy she was dating. She thought things were going well, but then came March and "March Madness". This guy told her that he wouldn't be seeing much of her for the next month as he was a college basketball nut. She thought that was normal. Craig thought they were both nuts. Early on in a relationship, and you choose basketball over a desirable woman?!?! I could be wrong, but I think the NCAA Final Four tournament happens every March. Miss one, and there is another 11 months away. The person you want to spend your life with, or the person you are supposed to spend your life with may only come your way once.

Craig is often accused of being too effeminate. Choosing to spend Saturday night at home watching a "Rom.Com." and drinking wine with his wife, instead of poker with the boys. Does that make him gay? Quite the contrary. Craig and Kris have a wonderful relationship because of the choices they make. Craig knows guys who get together to play poker who sit around and play rock band until everyone shows; or even more strange, they sit around and watch porn before they play cards!! What's "more gay" (whatever that means!) sharing a romantic evening with your wife, or watching porn with a room full of other guys!?!?!?!?

I used to watch a former neighbour leave his gorgeous wife at home every weekend and go out ATVing with his buddies. Maybe their romance was Monday through Thursday; who knows, but from an outsiders point of you it sure looked like he took the two days he has from work and chose to spend it with other men. Again I have to ask, what is more gay? A guy who stays at home and loves his wife, or a guy who goes out to the forest to hang with his buddies?

I'm not suggesting that all men give up their ATV's, poker and golf, but the reality is you have to make a choice. What's more important. If it's golf, then why stick around. To the ladies the same question. If your man would rather play poker with the boys than play "poke her" with you; why the heck are you putting up with it?

Don't we all just deserve to be happy?

A great underrated movie this year was "He's Just Not That Into You" based on the famous book of the same name. It's has a great message. It should be shown to every 13 year old girl around the world. The answers are that simple.

Welterusten!!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Twenty years, two teenagers, and a blog . . . . .

One day in and a blog might end the twenty years of wedded bliss!! What to write, what direction to take, and creative differences have led to a good old fashioned case of "writers block" . . .

Ultimately we wanted this to be about "self-esteem", but tonight I thought I would rant tonight about society's need to run people into the ground. Growing up we both admired the Kennedy's - specifically John F. Kennedy. In today's society poor John wouldn't have stood a chance. From John Edwards to Gary Hart. From Eliot Spitzer to John Ensign (okay his hypocrisy made that funny!!) We live in a world that has become obsessed with stripping people of their dignity. Oprah is fat again. Calista Flockhart isn't fat enough!! Why do people get so much enjoyment out of putting others down, or exposing their flaws?

I saw a documentary on JFK and his mistresses a while back on the History Channel. While he was a senator they had a photograph of him entering his girlfriends home!! It was quickly hushed up because they had him pegged for the presidency. Now we're not advocating adultery, but we find it amazing how we automatically look for flaws in people nowadays. None of us are perfect. Is it necessary to expose the flaws of every person in the public eye?

Maybe that's how our journey begins. After twenty years we've both done things we aren't proud of, and lord knows we have plenty of faults; but isn't that a wonderful part of growing old together? Mistakes are made, but you learn from them and move on. A person's faults become a glorious piece of what makes them special. A reason why you love them.

Instead of crucifying people for their flaws, why not celebrate them? Or at least let them move on and learn in peace. We can start changing things by simply doing something small like turning off TMZ (sorry Kalista), or telling your local politicians (no matter what the party) that attack adds won't be tolerated. Look at your spouse tonight and smile at something that usually annoys you. Share a laugh instead of judging. It will enrich any relationship.

Welterusten!

Saturday, September 26, 2009

It is Saturday night and we are sharing a glass of wine(red of course)realizing how lucky we are. Do we struggle every day with money, jobs, weight(don't get me started) and fears of facing the Calgary winters, you bet. We have this crazy idea that writing a blog will help.... personally a hot tub would be much better but that costs money remember! Blogs are free. . .

After years of hearing Kris say her mission in life is to "help women" and Craig say that women are "gods gift to the earth" we thought it would be time to share our insights. No Phd's, no syndicated radio shows, just honest truth from two people who've been through so much over twenty years that we should be sainted for the miracle that we are still together. Still in love, and still craving each other after all this time.

Craig just wrote craving each other and I know the kids are now vomiting but I will say this having each other to face all of the challenges of every day life has been amazing. We are just having fun writing and who knows maybe we can all talk and share stories of our every day lives. We have been sharing our thoughts with each other (and others) for so many years with great response; we thought maybe it's time to take it to the masses.

Talk to you guys tomorrow and by the way if the writing is creative and wonderful it belongs to Craig and if it is dramatic and sucky it belongs to me that is how you will be able to tell who writes what!! (Wow, and here we are making a blog about self esteem!!)

Welterusten(good night in Dutch!)

C & K